The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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