You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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