new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
