my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
