jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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