my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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