his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
