You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
