His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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