Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
false alarm, still single
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