If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
