Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
