I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
