Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
