The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
