Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
