we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
