Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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