hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
