It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
