just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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