i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
