If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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