I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
