you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
