I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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