idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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