I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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