Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
