He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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