my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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