I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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