suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
