I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
