He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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