Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
