How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
