i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
