just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
