his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
