is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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