Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
