Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
