bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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