fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
