im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
