I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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