we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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