I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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