Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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