I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
