my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
