When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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