If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sober January is a disaster.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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